I’m half way through my time here- I actually can’t believe that. It’s that strange time warp I mentioned a while ago- despite my feelings of complete comfort and at-homeness here, it’s hard to accept that it has already been a full three months since I arrived. Especially since I started my internship, time has been flying. Because I’m at this midway point, I thought it’d be a good time to reflect a little bit. Also, we have another student staying in my homestay for this week and seeing her first uncomfortable days here has really made me realize just how much has changed in these three months.

At first, I wrote out another really long blog post (3 single spaced pages…), but I said many weeks ago that I would try to make these a manageable reading length. So, here are two of the biggest things I want to think about again from the past three months:

• Starting with the most obvious: language. This girl who is in our house this week doesn’t know any Spanish, and seeing her totally lost at dinner or when Dixia is trying to explain something to her throws me so hard back to my first week here. The days of smiling and nodding, wanting so badly to just be able to express myself. The days where my dictionary was literally glued to my hand so I could have some semblance of understanding (of at least a word or two). The days when I used to essentially write out scripts of what I wanted to say and read directly from my notebook when I had something to say. The days where I would spend my whole walk home from school trying to plan out how I was going to explain my day to my family. Writing it out now, I didn’t even realize that each of these things was just a gradual showing of my growing language abilities. It grew to the point where I would just plan things in my head fully before I would say them to now, when I can talk without having to go through the barrier of English to Spanish translation in my mind. To now, when Spanish comes kind of naturally (surely still full of errors) and when I sometimes find it more difficult to think in English than in Spanish, when words want to come out in Spanish before thinking of coming out in English. I’ve still got a lot more to learn, but seeing myself juxtaposed with my three-months-ago self through this other girl here- I find it kind of incredible how drastically modes of conversation can change when they don’t have the option of remaining stagnant.
•  I’m straddling this strange place I’ll call (in)dependence. I say this because this experience has simultaneously been the most on-my-own and difficult I’ve had, but at the same time one of the most comfortable and provided-for. On the independence side: I’ve gotten over my fears of confronting strangers (asking questions, for directions, making phone calls and reservations). I’ve worked on integrating myself into a completely unknown environment. This is the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing my family. I’ve become a lot more self-dependent in my reflection of things (relying very heavily on my journal!), since I don’t really have any close friends here and can’t totally express myself in Spanish. I just generally feel so much more confident in so many aspects of my life- it’s not really anything I can put into good words for you. Then for dependence, I live with the most wonderful host family who provides me with a very comfortable place to live, food every meal of the day (and more), laundry, patience for language, and seemingly unending open arms. Since I have two younger sisters, I feel almost like I’ve been thrown into the mix of being a kid- feeling as through I need to be home by dinner every night, can’t go out after dark on my own, and have to report my whereabouts and plans every day. I think a lot of this is my thinking and not the expectations of my host parents, but they’re still there. It’s interesting that it’s possible to have two such polar experiences at the same time, within the same places.
  

I’ll leave it at that for now! I know you’ve all got things to be doing, and I’ve gotta go home and pack! We just finished up our last day of school for this quarter, and now have two weeks off. SPRING BREAK! Early tomorrow morning, I’m heading to Nicaragua for a week to renew my Costa Rican visa, then I’m coming back to CR to meet my host family at the beach for a few days. For the rest of the second week off, I’m (hopefully) going to hike up Mt. Chirripó with another intern. It’s the highest peak in CR (3,820 meters) and the second highest in Central America and it’s supposed to have incredible views of both coasts, unbelievable sunrises, and all sorts of glacial lakes and other natural beauty. They only take forty visitors a day and the spots fill up fast and far in advance… fingers crossed we can somehow get out hands on two passes! If not, it will be an adventure to see where we can get to by bus from there!

I hope you’ve all got fun things ahead of you, too! I’ll be thinking about you lots over these two weeks, as I probably won’t have much access to Internet to talk with you (don’t worry, Mom, I’ll definitely seek out internet cafes to send you quick updates!).

<3

That is a line from the school song, which I often have stuck in my head because it makes a weekly appearance at school sing on Fridays. The song is in a mix of Spanish and English, with tons of great lines like “Look all around, if you can’t find me then look up here, get me out of this tree!” and the above, which means “How lucky I am to be able to learn here!” - all of which totally define the culture of this school. I definitely have my criticisms of the school (good old Swat teaching me to be critical of everything), but I’m a huge supporter of the school’s underlying values and traditions, which I’ll get into later.

So far, I’ve really been enjoying learning about and becoming a part of the really strong community that is this school. Again, I feel like I’m repeating myself in every update I give: I’m constantly feeling more and more comfortable and in place, first with Spanish, then with being on my own, with my family, and in Costa Rica in general. But I will say it again, because it continues to be true and, after a month and then some with my class, I’m now able to add my time at the CEC to my list of new normalcies (if that’s even a real word?).

If I were to write this blog post last week, I would talk a lot about how I’m slowly gaining responsibilities and gradually feeling more and more comfortable working with students in small groups, trying to pick up on and address the different learning stages and styles of my students. How I’m still really hesitant to do things in front of the whole class, because that is such an intimidating idea- to be largely in charge of the learning and development of fifteen kids? Talk about responsibility!

But, this week took some unexpected turns. As I was getting ready for school on Monday morning, I got a call from Jesse, the school director. Beverly had been sick all weekend- would I be okay taking lead of the class? (The school doesn’t have a budget or the resources for substitute teachers, so a teacher absence often causes lots of flip flopping of job responsibilities.) “Umm… I guess so?” was my response. This was surely a change from my as-of-then role in the classroom, where the most I did was work with small groups and lead a read aloud or two. It was actually kind of ironic, because the Friday before, Beverly and I had a conversation about how I could establish myself as more of an authority figure in the classroom- like gradually taking over morning meeting. Now, here I am, fumbling to play lead teacher of the class (I guess immersion is the best way to learn…?)

Let me just say, I was nervous heading to school on the bus that morning. I’ve been thinking recently a bit about how it’s kind of funny that I’ve wanted to be a teacher for basically my whole life, when I really dislike being in front of crowds and most forms of public presentation. But anyway, thankfully Jesse was able to switch around his schedule and be with me in class for most of the day on Monday. That put me a bit more at ease with the classroom/behavior management aspect of teaching, which is something I haven’t dealt with very much until this week.

I suppose day went pretty smoothly, considering that it poured all day so all the energy the kids usually expend during their hour plus of recess remained pent up in the classroom. On top of that, they were definitely testing the waters to see what they could get away with having me in charge of the class. I ended the day exhausted and really doubting whether or not teaching is what I want to pursue… which didn’t make me feel too good, since this has been my dream job ever since I was old enough to conceive of one. To be honest, these doubts have been in the back of my mind the whole month I’ve been at the school. I’ve spent so much time in my classes at Swarthmore constructing my idea of my ideal classroom and teacher—and my time here has been proving to me just how hard it is to put those ideals into practice. I’ve been countering my doubts, though, by telling myself to stay patient- nobody walks into teaching and works miracles. It takes a LOT of time- struggles, failures, good and bad days.

Thankfully, I’ve already been able to see loads of improvement! It turns out Beverly would be sick for the whole week. Since Jesse had to get back to his regular job at the school, I was left the rest of the week actually in charge. My nerves resided with each day. I won’t give a full recap of it all, because that would take forevaaaa, but I will point out some things:

• I have been learning so much about flexibility and doing things on the fly, something I don’t consider myself especially skilled at, especially when it includes some form of public presentation. It a lot of fun to see where unplanned class discussions can go- I’m always totally blown away by all the interesting things these students have to say!
• It’s amazing how supportive some students are and how some of them are able to realize and acknowledge the fact that this is very new and difficult for me. I’ve gotten a bunch of drawings and notes saying things like “You are doing so great on your own!” (actually: “Yuo do grate ahlon!”) and offers to help me get the class to be quiet.
• Kids really see their teachers as having all the solutions- to a tricky math problem, to social problems at recess (“He wouldn’t play in the tree with me!”), to stomach/tooth/anything aches. It’s such a multi-faceted role as a sharer of knowledge, listener, mother, nurse, cheerleader, and (my least favorite part) disciplinarian.
• There’s something really fulfilling about finishing a day of teaching. I can’t put my finger on any specific part that makes it feel this way, but I know that, regardless of how frustrating or tiring it may be, it makes me really happy. That’s got to mean something for my potential future as a teacher, right? It’s sure done a lot to help me ease my doubts as to whether my whole life vision is totally off!
  

For these reasons and so many more, I am incredibly happy that this opportunity arose. If I had been asked if I wanted to take complete lead of the class for a week, I would have said noooo way. But, I didn’t really have a choice! So truly, “¡Que dicha que puedo aprender así!” Here, I’m seeing and being a part of the ins and outs of teaching. Though this school is a really unique one, making the experience I have here probably different than others I will have in the future, it is really beginning to help me establish what I think education and teaching and behavior management are in practice. I’ve read and talked and learned so much about them in theory, I’m so now thankful to have that be shifting on the scale towards application. I really couldn’t think of a more fun or useful way to spend the semester!

But now, aside from these great, incredibly practical experiences I’m getting here, I’ll tell you a little bit about the school itself.

The type of education the kids receive here is so along the lines of what I imagine and want education to be everywhere. Teachers have seemingly endless flexibility with what they do, enabling them to make sure it is accessible to all the different learning styles of each student. So much of the learning is based on student learning paces and hands-on, creative activities. For Leap Day, for example, Beverly and I were able to take the whole day to plan activities that weren't necessarily in line with the current point in the curriculum, but that taught about the day and also was a celebration. Also, for Ana Yeris' birthday, her mom brought in arroz con pollo, juice, cake, and goodie bags. She came during writing workshop, but we stopped class and had a birthday celebration. Afterwards, we still had thirty minutes before recess was supposed to start, but instead of trying to squeeze in the rest of the writing lesson, we were able to let them have extra recess time- what they really needed after getting hopped up on sugar and birthday excitement.

The underlying beliefs of the school enable these types of serendipitous things to happen all the time. The CEC’s three main objectives are:

• “To discover and address the intellectual, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of each child in order to stimulate their creativity, natural love for learning, and sense of wonder about the world around them.
• To provide a strong interdisciplinary curriculum that incorporates environmental education in every way possible.
• To inspire and educate students to be caring, develop a strong sense of community and take an active interest in conservation and sustainability with a desire to contribute from local to global levels.”
  

How could I not agree with all of that?? It totally encompasses all of the values and ideas I hold about education; it’s basically everything I would want a school to be. Of course, there’s a difference between what is written on paper and what takes place in practice. For instance, the environmental education component is nowhere near as strong as these objectives make it seem. But, from what I’ve been involved with in the second grade, a focus on the individuality of the student and supporting them to learn at their own pace is huge. There is essentially no (visible) focus on standardized testing or official benchmarks- enabling a lot more flexibility for the teachers (except in 11th grade, when the students have to prepare for a national exit exam. Since it’s in Spanish and they have spent the past many years learning and being tested in English, much of this last year of colegio is spent cramming Spanish). So much of the learning is project-based and utilizes the incredible outdoor resources available here. I’m not quite sure how to describe it, but the experiences here just seems so much more whole and integrated than those of any other school I’ve been in (and that could just be because this is the first school placement I’ve been at all day, every day). It’s definitely a special place.

But, encompassed in the goodness of this unique school culture also are some things that make me a little uneasy:

There is a ridiculously high rate of teacher turnover at this school. Next year, for instance, about half of the entire school staff (faculty and administration) will change. The majority of the staff is foreign- most come to work at the school only for a few years, then return back to the States to find a more permanent job. Or, some people come with the intention of staying longer, but it just turns out to be unfeasibly financially (the school runs entirely on donations and gives out a ton of student scholarships, so staff salaries are very low). On top of that, volunteers and interns are constantly coming and going- for a week to a semester at a time. One of my biggest apprehensions going into this internship was the fact that I was joining this culture of inconsistency.

Nobody I’ve met or read in the world of education really thinks high turnover is a good thing. It makes developing a strong and stable school culture pretty hard, since the people composing it are changing every year or two. How does this impact the cohesion of a teaching and administrative group? From what I’ve seen here, there seems to be a really clear divide between the foreign teachers and the local teachers (many of whom who have been here for five to ten years). Whether this is directly attributable to the inconsistency of the foreign staff from year to year, I can’t say. I’m sure language differences have a lot to do with it as well, as many of the foreign teachers come here with no Spanish.

Also, high turnover can bring a lot of trial and error- as soon as a teacher or administrator is getting the hang of the job in this unique context, they are being replaced by someone else and the process has to begin again. How does this impact the quality of the education the students receive? Also, how does this forever coming and going of people impact their image of schooling? It’s something they’re expected to stick with through all the grades, yet they see their educators doing just the opposite.

I had a conversation with Beverly about this, where she pointed out a really interesting thing about the turnover. While she doesn’t think it’s a good thing, it could have one major benefit: the labels of “good class”/”bad class”/”hard worker”/”trouble-maker” that are so often assigned to and limit the potential of classes and individual students won’t necessarily get passed on from year to year. As new teachers come in, they accept their class with no predeterminations about how they are. Beverly gave me the example of how a class that years ago was considered to be the worst class at the school is now seen as one of the hardest-working and most well-behaved. Students mesh better with some teacher personalities and the turnover allows for ever-changing student-teacher relationships and “wiping of the slate” of student labeling. So, it might not be entirely bad. Plus, I think every school has its weaknesses, after all!

Despite these criticisms, I am still very thankful to be having all of these experiences here. I just can't help but thinking about how happy it is to be here- at the CEC and in Monteverde in general. I feel like I'm constantly living in a state of disbelief that this is my life right now, but also at the same time a sense that this is totally normal and natural. Other than missing my family and friends, this place has everything I'm looking for-- nature, hiking, walking, the feria, calm, free time, school, kids, and if I get my act together- doing ceramics with some local artists! Plus, how great is it that I’m getting so much practical teaching experience?!

Anyway, I will stop talking now. Haha thanks if you made it all the way through this novel! Hope everyone is well! <3

Just when I think things here are already so stellar, they get even better. I am LOVING pretty much everything about my time here. For one, I’m really starting to feel a part of my class at the CEC, rather than just some new outsider- I’ll get more into my time there later (I’ve got to save it for the end/maybe another post, or else I’ll never talk about anything else…). So before that, some highlights from the past twoish weeks:

• I got to Skype with my whole family two weekends ago! Though it was sad to be the one so far away, it was great to be able to catch up with everyone all at once and feel almost like I was right there with them. Also, it was a happy feeling to know that, while I wish I could have transported myself to Connecticut to be with them more than anything, I wasn’t totally homesick afterwards, rather just really happy to have such an incredible family.
• I had my first ever banana split (fresh Costa Rican banana + local Monteverde ice cream = how am I going to prevent myself from getting one of these every day??)
• It’s mango season and this one farmer at the feria sells the best mangos I have ever, ever eaten. Basically, anything to do with fruit here is INCREDIBLE.
•  All of the interns went on a horseback-riding trip together last weekend. It was one of the most beautiful days I’ve had (Monteverde continues to blow me away with its mountains- forested and country-, startling greenness, electric blue skies, and cottony clouds that move faster than any I’ve seen before). The whole experience is kind of dream like, actually, and that’s how it felt as it was happening too. It was the most blue and clear day and we went on a fortyish minute ride through this family’s land to a hidden river, where we got to swim for a few hours in the fresh spring water. After, we rode our horses back to their house, where the family had made corn bread and juice for us. 
• Last Sunday, my abuela got a new washing machine, which was exciting for her. What was exciting for my two sisters and me is that it came in a GIANT cardboard box, which we commandeered for the night (and I guess eternally). We spent the night playing games inside this box like it was a fort, and then we actually made it into a fort by decorating the inside with drawings of trees and mountains. It was such a simple thing, but such a blast and, since that night, I feel like Alejandra and Angelica are actually my sisters- playing pretend and all these crazy kid games somehow brought us so much closer together! Also, as a funny side note, I spent all of Sunday babysitting my sisters while Dixia and Geovanny were at a party, and that included me walking them into town to get ice cream and helping them clean up the house. That night, after Dixia and I had made dinner and cleaned up, she told me that she officially deems me ready to have kids because I’m such a “motherly person.” I assured her I will be waiting many years before even thinking about that, haha but it’s good to know I have the okay of this woman I so admire (especially as a mother). 
• It’s a Leap Year!! Which was really fun in second grade. I made up a whole ton of themed activities to do for the day, like lily pad math, where my class literally jumped like frogs from lily pad to lily pad to solve the math problems written on them. We also wrote about what life might be like in one/two/five/ten/thirty leap years (watch out, there are flying cars, robot houses coming up, and a whole slew of new rock stars and singers coming up…). Then, we made frogs out of paper bags. I will probably be saying this over and over, but it’s incredible to be at a school where there is enough flexibility to be able to dedicate entire days to celebrations like this, with no pressures or worries of falling behind schedule or deviating from the curriculum. 
• Since the sun sets here like clockwork at six, I get to walk into the sunset every night on my way home from school. 
• I went back to the waterfall in San Luis with a bunch of the other interns this weekend. It was a beautiful hike there and it was great to spend time with the interns, since we don’t see much of each other during the week. After the tiring but beautiful-so-you-can’t-help-but-smiling-and-feeling-at-ease hike, we hung out by the waterfall for a few hours, eating our lunches, swimming, and just talking. To make the already fantastic day even better, Lisa suggested we go to Sabores, one of the ice cream shops in town. With no plans to do anything that afternoon and a strong love for ice cream, I decided to go along. As Lisa, Amanda, and I were ordering, the owner/manager (?) of the shop came over to us with two giant plates- chocolate and vanilla Belgian waffles with ice cream. She had just been taking pictures of the newest addition to their menu to make some posters… could we maybe help her out? She didn’t want to throw them out, and she also wanted to know how the waffles were because they aren’t exactly a common Costa Rican food. Amanda had already ordered a cinnamon bun literally the size of my whole hand, but of course we couldn’t refuse! We spent the next hour in a giddy high, both from sugar and disbelief about our luck to be there in time to get free waffles and ice cream!
• Sundays, which used to be my least favorite day of the week because they’re so slow and I often just got really bored and lonely, are getting better and better as time goes on. This Sunday, I spent the whole morning lying outside with Alejandra watching butterflies hatch, which is such a stunning thing to see. We also played hide and seek, Frisbee, and catch with water balloons and made friendship bracelets (finally used what you sent me, Mom!). Being a big sister is fun, but it takes up so much energy (haha Jen, how did you do it with me??)! But, it’s a good thing we did so many things because the rest of the day was pretty much spent eating (which, I’ve realized, is what happens on Sundays here). We had a kind of cookout for lunch, with veggie kabobs, tortillas, beets, plantains, and salad, all cooked in the outdoor kitchen. It felt so much like a summer family holiday day; it was a ton of fun to just hang around and talk and joke with Dixia and my sisters. Then, for an afternoon snack, Dixia made arroz con leche. THEN for dinner we made sushi and tempura, Costa Rican style. It was typical veggie sushi, with carrots, cucumber, and avocado… wrapped in cooked plantains, dipped in tempura batter, and fried. Dixia used to work in this sushi restaurant that is in Santa Elena, so she’s got all sorts of tricks up her sleeve. Not only was it a blast to cook this with her, but it was DELICIOUS too!
• To balance out all the eating that has been happening, running became a lot more fun when I realized that I can go on school grounds in the afternoon, rather than on the rocky, dusty roads near my house. Running in over 100 acres of a private cloud forest reserve is pretty spectacular…
• Beverly has been out sick all week so far, and will be for the rest of the week. So, I have been thrown intot the full role of a teacher. It's definitely been a struggle, but I think a really, really good thing. More on
  

As is probably evident in my excessive use of the words beautiful, amazing, so, very, and happy and the fact that I end every post with a similar sentiment: I’m just falling more in love with Monteverde the more time I spend here. I repeat these things because they’re true! Also, it seems like my ability to form eloquent sentences in English is declining, and I haven’t quite reached the point of eloquence in Spanish yet, meaning I’m sometimes a little stuck haha. So: I’m just so very happy to be in this beautiful, amazing place. I sometimes still wake up for look around as I’m walking and feel myself questioning whether or not this is just a dream. I can’t shake my feelings of luck and good fortune, mostly thanks to all who have helped me get to this point.

Sending love to you everyone! Especially to the Ryan/Colonnese/Nazzaro clan <3 As much as I love it here, I wish right now that I could be with you guys. I hope you can feel me hugging you and sending all my loving and positive thoughts in your ways as you read this.