With just about five weeks left here, I feel like I’m in a funny place right now. On the horizon I have my brother and sister coming to visit (!!), a long-anticipated reunion with all of my family and friends, and an exciting summer spent around Swarthmore doing thesis research and gardening. My itching to go home and be with my family again is getting stronger and stronger every day. Simultaneously, though, is the looming weight that all those wonderful things mean the end of my time here (at least for now, that’s what I’m telling myself to make it not so heavy!).
I think for the most part, I am pretty ready to leave Monteverde. I am really in love with this place, but have been feeling a bit restless in the past weeks. What’s going to make it so hard to leave is my family. I was talking with Dixia about this a few nights ago and just beginning to think about that morning in just over a month when I have to pack up my bags and say my goodbyes makes me start to choke up. I have found such a real home here that I can’t really imagine what it’s going to be like to leave it. Dixia likened my being here to a shooting star- I come through for a (relatively) short time and then go off again in my own direction. While I think that’s a really pretty metaphor, I am determined to defy the laws of gravity and space and everything and be a shooting star that returns. I’m not sure I’d ever want to actually work at the CEC or even live in Monteverde permanently, but I do know for sure that I want to come back to visit my family here- I won’t even call them just my host family anymore because they truly feel like real family (which makes the place I’m in even harder- having two families I want to be with simultaneously!) Costa Rica and this family have become too big a part of my life to dismiss this as only a brief chapter in my life. Plus, if I graduate from Swat and can’t figure out what to do with my life, I can always come back here and take Dixia up on her ideas of jointly opening up the first vegetarian restaurant in Monteverde! Not a bad back-up plan, right?
Anyway, despite this determination to return at some point, I can’t seem to shake this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that as soon as I get home, this whole experience will feel like it was only a dream. My time here feels like it exists so separately from my life back at home. Aside from the obviousness of being in a different country, I think this is mainly because it’s an experience I’ve been developing entirely on my own- coming here was literally a displacement from pretty much everything and everyone I knew. I’m hoping that having my brother and sister come visit and share in this world with my for a few days will help connect it to home. It’s been weird having my life here evolve from being all new to feeling totally normal, but only being able to describe what it’s like here to friends and family at home. Not sharing these experiences with anyone from home makes it feel that much more separate. I guess what I’m getting at is that it will be strange to think of this time in the past tense, to translate this life that has become so natural and comfortable into stories and memories. It will also be interesting, in general, to transition back into life at home and at school. I’m curious to notice see the ways that I may have changed, once I’m back.
BUT, as much as part of me is looking forward to going home, it’s not something I want to think about too much right now. So, some more updates:
As always, sending lots of love around <3
I think for the most part, I am pretty ready to leave Monteverde. I am really in love with this place, but have been feeling a bit restless in the past weeks. What’s going to make it so hard to leave is my family. I was talking with Dixia about this a few nights ago and just beginning to think about that morning in just over a month when I have to pack up my bags and say my goodbyes makes me start to choke up. I have found such a real home here that I can’t really imagine what it’s going to be like to leave it. Dixia likened my being here to a shooting star- I come through for a (relatively) short time and then go off again in my own direction. While I think that’s a really pretty metaphor, I am determined to defy the laws of gravity and space and everything and be a shooting star that returns. I’m not sure I’d ever want to actually work at the CEC or even live in Monteverde permanently, but I do know for sure that I want to come back to visit my family here- I won’t even call them just my host family anymore because they truly feel like real family (which makes the place I’m in even harder- having two families I want to be with simultaneously!) Costa Rica and this family have become too big a part of my life to dismiss this as only a brief chapter in my life. Plus, if I graduate from Swat and can’t figure out what to do with my life, I can always come back here and take Dixia up on her ideas of jointly opening up the first vegetarian restaurant in Monteverde! Not a bad back-up plan, right?
Anyway, despite this determination to return at some point, I can’t seem to shake this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that as soon as I get home, this whole experience will feel like it was only a dream. My time here feels like it exists so separately from my life back at home. Aside from the obviousness of being in a different country, I think this is mainly because it’s an experience I’ve been developing entirely on my own- coming here was literally a displacement from pretty much everything and everyone I knew. I’m hoping that having my brother and sister come visit and share in this world with my for a few days will help connect it to home. It’s been weird having my life here evolve from being all new to feeling totally normal, but only being able to describe what it’s like here to friends and family at home. Not sharing these experiences with anyone from home makes it feel that much more separate. I guess what I’m getting at is that it will be strange to think of this time in the past tense, to translate this life that has become so natural and comfortable into stories and memories. It will also be interesting, in general, to transition back into life at home and at school. I’m curious to notice see the ways that I may have changed, once I’m back.
BUT, as much as part of me is looking forward to going home, it’s not something I want to think about too much right now. So, some more updates:
- School is continuing to be amazing. While I’m very set on not teaching second grade now (definitely looking towards some older grades, though I love all of the kids in my class), I have learned an endless amount about teaching, behavior management, general school workings (granted this school is a really unique one), and so much more. And the best part about it? I’m not even trying to learn!! It’s not until I sit down and think about things that I realize how I’m learning different methods of talking to kids and reaching out to various learning styles, how to organize lessons (I got to create and teach my very own writing unit!), how to respond to student drama and behavior problems, how to react when a scorpion interrupts a lesson by scurrying into the middle of the circle, tail up and ready to strike… (haha only at the CEC would kids respond to this with open hands and jars, fighting over who gets to catch it…). But I can’t say enough how incredible this semester has been in terms of practical experiences- I’m imagining it’s going to be a little tough for me to switch back to having classes next semester!
- I spent a long weekend two weeks ago at Playa Samara with a big group of teachers. It was a really hot and relaxing weekend, and a fun time to just hang out together. A group of us rented an apartment for the weekend and got to do a lot of cooking, which was so nice. I finally feel like I’m starting to make friends with the teachers (doesn’t this always seem to happen towards the end of things?)!!
- The fiestas came to Monteverde this weekend- kind of the Costa Rican version of a smallish-town carnival. They take place in almost every town and city in Costa Rica at varying degrees of size, but they always include lots of loud music, dancing (I wish I knew how to salsa!!), bulls (riding them and running from them), some amusement rides of questionable safety, and GOOD FOOD. I went two nights with my family to dance, people-watch, and, of course, eat. It was so exciting to have something to do after dark (Monteverde is very much an early-to-bed, early-to-rise community, so this is rare)!
As always, sending lots of love around <3
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